I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
