I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
