New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
