i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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