Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
