Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
