so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
