The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
