So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
