You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
well you can't waste a boner
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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