this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just gift wrapped bread.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
