You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
