is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
