i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
