i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
