Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
