She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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