Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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