I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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