last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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