Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
vagina is talking i cant
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
