you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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