Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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