I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
