Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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