her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
