I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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