Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
