Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away