i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
