Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
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Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.