Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.

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(954): View more from Florida

You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.

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(407): View more from Florida

I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers

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(206): View more from Washington

She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight

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