puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight