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I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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