At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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