i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
