Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
