the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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