ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
