Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
