Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
