Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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