So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
