whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
