My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize