i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
