Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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