you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
