i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
