Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
