Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
