He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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