I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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