I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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