Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
