Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You made out with two different species that night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
