last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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