Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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