i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
