He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
