shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
