she looked like the before picture.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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