Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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