Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So many bounce houses so little time
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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