There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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