just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
